Poems for my Father
by Jayseth Guberman
My Father is Better than G-d
(Maury Guberman z'l 1931-2004)
My Father is better than G-d
he wouldn't leave me to die alone
in a Eurooven with my questions of faith,
he would die with me, or would lead the fight.
He would never leave me to starve
like a child of strife,
he would starve with me
or offer me his food first.
My Father is better than G-d.
He answered all my prayers
as a child,
so that I would not want.
He is better than G-d,
though in saying so,
and in so saying,
I honor G-d
who so commanded it.
My Father is not G-d.
Only better.
I only hope that someday,
I am as good as G-d,
because I have to go a long way
before I am
better than my Father.
Uncertainty Principles
Time shortens
Like the fractured legs of a runner
Accidentally propelled by the laws of physics
To decelerate like frozen matter.
The uncertain quantum leap from now to there
Has no healing properties
Just a void
A black hole of despair
Swallowing up memories and joy
That even my little daughter
Can only temporarily prevent..
She says "I love you Daddy"
And I think about my own Father
And the love travels like the
Search for extraterrestrial intelligence
That goes unanswered
Not because there isn't any,
But because we're never here long enough
To receive the answer.
Diary
1: Yom Shishi (Friday) , 21 Shevat 5764
The report today was that my Father has lost five pounds in two weeks
Had he been on a diet this would be a congratulatory moment
But since he is possessed of a dybbuk
That sees fit to utilize him as a metabolite
It is no time for congratulations
It is no time at all.
Love is stronger then death,
But it is not stronger then the pain of life
No matter how much love we feel or show
We fall away weakened
To lay in our slat bunks alone
In a concentration camp of helplessness
Crying for peace in a time of war
Crying for war against the dybbuks
That jealously possess us to death like we're unique
Treasures in their collection.
2: Yom Rishon (Sunday), 7 Adar 5764
I cried today while driving home
The windshield looked like it does in a heavy rainstorm
Visibility was terrible
And that was only inside the car.
The nurse said "three weeks at most"
And I cannot believe that Dad will be freed of his pain
And we will never be liberated from ours.
The oxygen tubing will be furled
The catheter and bag tossed
The numerous pain meds put away
As our pain will be different
And not cured as easily
the laxatives will relieve nothing
especially the tears
which will take on a new meaning
and like the drive home
will never be the same again.
More poetry by Jayseth Guberman at Ariga.
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