I. Frost's Selected Quotations

Everything at Amazon by and about: Elaine Bennis (Seinfeld character)

Maybe the dingo ate your baby...
- Elaine, to a snooty party guest, in

Have you seen a tall, lanky dufus with a bird face and hair like the bride of Frankenstein?
- Elaine, describing Kramer, in The Movie

J : Oh look Elaine, the black and white cookie. I love the black and white. Two races of flavor living side by side in harmony. It's a wonderful thing, isn't it?
E : You know, I often wonder what you'll be like when you're senile.
J : I'm looking forward to it.
E : Yeah, I think it'll be a very smooth transition for you.
- Jerry and Elaine, in The Dinner Party

No, I don't want to go to a mini-plex multi-theater! It's not a theater, it's like a room where they bring in POW's to show them propaganda films.
- Elaine, in The Movie

Men can sit through the most pointless, boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.
- Elaine, in The Movie

G : Are you Master of your Domain?
J : I am King of the County. You?
G : Lord of the Manor.
E : I'm Queen of the castle!
- Jerry, George and Elaine, in The Contest

I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian!
- Elaine, in The Subway

What am I, made of money? You bunch of deadbeats!
- Elaine, stuck with the check again, in The Subway

K : Ooo, she's a package full of energy.
E : Yeah, she's a package full of something.
- Kramer and Elaine, discussing Toby, in The Fire

Do you ever spit on anybody from here?
- Elaine, looking out Jerry's window, in The Glasses

It had no face, no personality. It was like a martian.
- Elaine, describing an uncircumsized penis, in The Bris

You know what I would do if I was running for mayor? One of my campaign themes would be that everybody should wear nametags all the time to make the city friendlier.
- Elaine, in The Non-Fat Yogurt

J : Do women know about shrinkage?
E : What do you mean, like laundry?
J : No...
G : Like when a man goes swimming... Afterwards...
E : It shrinks?
G : Like a frightened turtle.
E : Why does it shrink?
J : It just does.
E : I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.
- George, Elaine and Jerry, in The Hamptons

If I were going to change my name, I'd go with Deon.
- Elaine, in The Masseuse

Your standards are too high.
I went out with you.
That's because my standards are too low.
- Elaine and Jerry, in The Fix-Up

Can you die from an odor?
- Elaine, in The Alternate Side

I wanna slide my tongue around you like a snake.
- Elaine, in The Tape

J : What is his stand on abortion?
E : Well, I'm sure he's pro-choice.
J : How do you know?
E : Because he, well, he's just so good-looking.
- Jerry and Elaine, discussing her new boyfriend, in The Couch

You ever notice how happy people are when they finally get a table? They feel so special because they've been chosen. It's enough to make you sick.
- Elaine, getting very hungry, in The Chinese Restaurant

Remember when you first went out to eat with your parents? Remember, it was such a treat. You go and they serve you this different food that you never saw before. They put it in front of you and it was such a delicious and exciting adventure... and now I just feel like a big sweaty hog waiting for them to fill up the trough.
- Elaine, in The Chinese Restaurant

Nobody takes better care of their hair than me. You can serve dinner on my head.
- Elaine, in The Dinner Party

J : I don't know why you're interested in this guy. He's a jerk.
E : Because he doesn't pay any attention to me, and he ignores me.
J : Yeah, so?
E : I respect that.
- Jerry and Elaine, in The Wife

I know Jerry. He's not a Nazi. No. He's just neat.
- Elaine, in The Limo

I : Not many people have grace.
E : Well, you know, grace is a tough one. I like to think I have a little grace. Not as much as Jackie O....
I : You can't have a little grace. You either have grace or you don't.
E : Okay, fine. I have no grace.
I : And you can't acquire grace.
E : Well, I have no intention of getting grace.
I : Grace isn't something you can pick up at the market.
E : Alright, alright, look, I don't have grace, I don't want grace, I don't even say grace, okay?
I : Thank you for coming in.
E : Yeah yeah right.
- A personnel interviewer and Elaine, in The Chaperone

He's a re-gifter.
- Elaine, in The Label Maker

Sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.
- Elaine, to Jerry, in The Implant

Fine, you want to be a communist, be a communist. Can't you at least look like a successful communist?
- Elaine, to her boyfriend, in The Race

E : Why do they call it a wedgie?
G : Because the underwear is pulled up from the back until... it wedges in.
J : They also have an Atomic Wedgie. Now the goal there is to actually get the waistband on top of the head. It's very rare.
E : Boys are sick.
J : What do girls do?
E : We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder.
- Elaine, George and Jerry, in The Library